I did in fact have a Thanksgiving meal, prepared by the mother of a friend of mine who is visiting and brought, from the States, some integral ingredients. It was a good meal: all the right flavors for the day, five twenty-somethings and my friend's mom, sharing this day far away from the location of its inception.
Recently, the discussions I have been having with friends here, American friends, are really political. Really angry, fed up, clear and lucid. So in the presence of an older generation who welcomed the discourse, we kind of had at it (again) about America. Is it my approaching departure that is riling this all up? Why do I feel more like a conscious citizen here than I do most of the time there? I understand why so many talented authors and artists leave their homeland to understand it with more clarity. To be articulate.
I am scared to lose my articulation. I am scared to return to the States and lose this urgency, this feeling of being enraged. (I'm not walking around with steam coming out of my ears, but you know what I mean). Is it going to be that I return home, return to comfort and security, safety, my own language that this anger will go away? In this experience of having to put myself out on a limb, often feel alone and an outsider, is that when I feel the need for change? This lack of security, mentally, physically, economically, and linguistically, is enraging. It is anxiety-making. When will we ALL start to feel it in the United States? To what level must the water rise for it to affect everyone?
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Anna, I know exactly what you mean. Since I have been in Jordan I feel so much more connected to the rest of the world, to the issues that affect people's lives, but we barely think about back in Oberlin. I miss America a lot, but I am also afraid of losing the perspective I have gained here.
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